I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
