i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
