lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
