went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
