I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
