I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
