good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
