i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
