Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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