I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
