hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
