i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
