so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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