i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When are your genitals available?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
