listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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