shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
fuck your aforementioned shoe
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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