A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
