Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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