matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
God, I missed his penis.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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