dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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