I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
