either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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