My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
