Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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