dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
