Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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