Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
