He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
