There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
