I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How naked do you want me to be?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize