you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
