We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
