Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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