so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
