Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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