plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
