Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
