Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize