Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
