i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
