We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
