Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
