On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
