Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
