Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
