Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
