All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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