if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
