i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
