He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
