there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
