A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
