Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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