I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
