I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
do herpes really smell.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
