Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
