I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
