Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
