I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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