So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
