I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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