she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
