I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
