I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
