Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
