How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
