I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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