dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
