I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
