I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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