Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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