I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
