So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
