So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
