i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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