I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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