and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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