you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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