I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
