You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
