If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
