I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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