nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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