I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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