i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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