3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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