I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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